The Singing Horses

© 2004 Mark Howard Jones
All rights reserved.

In the frozen, broken room he sits alone.

" ... hope it reaches you. I don't know if you can hear this. There's no way to be certain. Not sure if there's enough power left, but I want to try.

"I needed to ... Ruth. The things I needed to say can't wait. There may be nothing to wait for—nobody can tell me; there's nobody left now...

"Everyone else is gone ... dead or presumed dead. It started when Gureyvich thought ... found something out on the eastern shelf. 'A huge mineral trace', he said. ... picked up a fault on the automatic survey rig out there, so no more data came in.

"... in the excitement ... went out there ... late that evening we heard the explosion. Davies and Kemal went out next morning ... all killed, all eight of them ... terrible blow ...

" .. for all the next week... couldn't even bury them ...

"Wilkes started saying he thought there was something 'down in the ice' ... could 'feel' it. Bloody nonsense ... nothing showed up ... and three of the others, out toward the ... where drilling had stopped ...

" ... seemed like some sort of pseudo-religious crap ... 'gods' buried in the ice. He'd obviously cracked up ... pity he took Davies, Hiram and Kemal with him ... nearly a month ago.

" ... haven't seen Andersson since last week ... only one left ... alive at least ...

"The wind's coming hard off the high cliffs today ... across the ice at us ... me ... But you'd know about that ... no better since your time here ...

"It was good to have you here. It really was ... so sorry about what happened ...

"I remember being young when we ... Now an old-ish man looks back at me from the mirror; no hair ... own teeth. I was young .... vigorous back then, it ... much lost—memories, bone mass, muscle ...

"And I wonder what I've achieved ... entire project achieved anything...

"... certainly hasn't lived up to its promise. Since we landed ... Now ... cannibalized the ship for ... But something ... working against us. Resisting our ...

"But there's nothing out there in the white. I know that ... because it's ... no air, just something that would cut your lungs to pieces in seconds. Sometimes I feel there is no air in here .. . Maybe someday, whenever, they will find ... suffocated.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

"Listen, I just wanted ... you're the only one I've ever loved. There's never been anyone ... since ... to know that, Ruth.

" ... kept your photograph with me. You and Lor. It's the one of you together ... just after we'd moved out ... - away from the city and the institute.... inconvenient but better for us all, you ...

"You look really happy. Lor ... bit distracted ... practically had to twist her head around to look at the camera ... kept looking behind her at the horses in the ... see one of them behind ...

"It was later that summer that ... well ... I don't need to ...

"I know you blamed me, Ruth. I know that. I tried to tell you. It wasn't my fault. ... wasn't ....

"The ice was so thin ... she didn't know ...

"I remember her face, her eyes ... screaming to me as she slipped beneath the ice ... couldn't save her. She was gone too fast, too deep ... no chance of ...

"Her frozen scream ... eyes of frost melt into my dreams and even my empty, long waking hours .... what more ... I'd like you to ...

"Two of the horses came up to the pond to watch ... breath making huge clouds in the chilly ... probably wanted a drink ... threw clods of earth at them ... drove them off ...

"I felt ashamed ... Lor used to love those horses. She once told ... sit at her window every ... watching them in the field across ... and listening to them sing.

"I never told you ... said she could hear them singing. I listened every morning after ... listened for months and months ... only heard them twice ... thought I heard ...

"... course I understood why you had to go. You ... with me any longer. I understood ... never understand why you came to work here ... must have known I was here ... joy to see you but I knew ... only three years since ...

"And I'm glad you left here when ... it was my fault but in light of what's happened since ...

"I dreamed last night, or perhaps ... morning —I don't sleep now—we were holding ... embracing out there on the ice. Our skins, together ... covered in snow. Our limbs ... embrace, had turned a pure white... heat of our kisses was ... that warmed us, kept us alive in that place, so cold ... desert of ice.

"... couldn't have been a dream. It must have been a memory, or ... in a dream. We're not like that now; not for a long ...

"... first time I saw you ... thought you'd go away again ... With your red hair ... pale skin; yours was a white love, an icy love ... remember that beautiful, departed day ... seemed perfect.

"... on the observation deck yesterday. Don't know why - nothing to see ... ... there was something .... thought I saw horses—white and perfect—galloping out of the blankness, emerging proud ... four of them. Pure white ... ran off again, almost at once, into the nothingness and I ... afterward that they couldn't have ... Couldn't. ... hope I'm not going the way of Wilkes.

"Since ... taking stock ... no way out ... won't be able to pick me up for months ... off the freighter routes ... payload to spare their fuel ... too late. ... eaten in three days. ... hardly feel the fingers ... my right leg's useless. Can't get warm.

"... monitoring equipment's automatic. It's so far from home ... too far. ... heard things aren't so good there, anyway.

"... wind sounds very strange ... tugs at the buildings, sounds as though .... - some sort of singing ...

"Wait! Wait! I can hear a voice ... coming from outside ... it's not the wind. Definitely a voice ... shouting across the ...

"It's her! It's Lor ... she's calling me. She's out ...

"But she can't be. It can't be her ... she's not ... she died, so far away ... far away ...

"No, I know. ... how she's done it. I know ...

"The ice. The ice! She's used it ... she's come back through the ice. That's it! Good girl! Clever ... You see, Ruth, just like her mother ... just like you, even ...

"... a viewing port in the door. I've got to try and see ...

"Yes. She's ... Standing in the snow. ... looks just the same. Just like when ...

"Oh, it's cruel that you're such a distance from us. ... only you were here ... all together again ... we ...

"I wish you could see her, Ruth. I really wish ...

"Listen ... my love, can you hear her ... ? If only you had some way to reach ...

"...voice is different. Must be the cold. Ice crystals forming on her tongue, making her ... breath freezing by now ...

"She'll freeze out there ... I can save her this time. Save her!

"I've got to go now. ... outside. She's calling. I've got to go to ... She's outside. She's calling ... outside ..."

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